We went to hear authors Sharon Leslie Morgan and Thomas Norman DeWolf speak about their new book, Gather at the Table: The Healing Journey of a Daughter of Slavery and a Son of the Slave Trade. They were amazing! I read not long ago that white parents often "don't talk about race". I think one thing that makes it feel especially awkward to me is that I can't really define for my son what race is. We think we know what it is, but it's a social construct, not a scientific one. But with this issue, as with many others, when we don't talk to our children about our values, then we don't know where they will get them from. I tell him that slavery didn't happen in the distant past, and its effects never went away. Jasper's dad remembers Jim Crow laws. I thought this book talk might be a good starting point for conversation.
Sharon talked about her efforts to research her genealogy, and how terribly difficult that was as a descendant of slaves, because records of the members of her family that were enslaved were recorded as records of property if they were recorded at all. She started a website, http://www.ourblackancestry.com/ to help others with their research. Tom talked about confronting his ancestry as a descendant of a family that was "the largest slave trading dynasty in US history". And they talked about how they decided to embark on a deliberate journey together, to travel to places where slavery left its mark on American history and their personal family histories, engaging each other in conversation. The idea was that they could create a reconciliation, and that it would have to start with two people. Their book is honest and unflinching, but full of humor, warmth, and hope- just like its authors. Now that their book is complete, they are sharing the conversation with people all over the country. I think the book is an excellent introduction to American history from a completely different point of view than I have ever explored before, and reveals clear connections to the everyday lives of all Americans today. Most of what I have learned about slavery was simply in the context of the Civil War, and never in much detail. I was really glad I took Jasper to see them. They both spoke kindly to him, and their stories were much more meaningful to him having met them. 
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Growing up as a Yankee in the North, all I ever learned about the Civil War was a blip or two in a history book. We never really covered it. North good, free slaves; South bad, racist slave lovers. Now I am married to a man who is named after a Confederate war hero. Now, I visit the South very frequently and my son has Confederate family. There is a WHOLE lot more to the Civil War than I ever learned and very little has anything to do with slavery. It is amazing how much we can give to our children when we are willing to talk and learn ourselves. Hopefully, if we all keep trying, we can close some of the gaps of the past and eliminate some future ones.
I think, in retrospect, us Yankees would love to believe that all the whites in the Union Army were fighting because they believed in ending slavery, and that was certainly not the case. I always assumed my own Quaker ancestors were likely abolitionists and therefore "good guys". But I've sense learned that many abolitionists saw the intense cruelty of slavery as wrong without ever seeing the slaves (many of whom were just as much European as African) as equal human beings. For many it was a moral issue somewhat like an animal rights movement! My father, whose combat service would profoundly change his life, always said that the true causes of war are always economic.
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