Feral Fridays: Happy Mother's Day!

This post is written by our special guest, Wanda Vesana, the ethereal and majestic leader of the Feral Homeschooling movement.  Wanda is mother to two utopian children, son Silas and daughter Verna. You can read all about her here.  Wanda shares her sagacity with us most every "Feral Friday".

In honor of the upcoming holiday, I wanted to share some uplifting words that would inspire homeschooling moms everywhere.  Yes, I know there are quite a few homeschooling dads out there, many of whom are true Feral Homeschoolers. We love you, guys, but this one's just for the moms!  In honor of Mother's Day, there are billions upon billions of articles, essays, and musings you could read that celebrate our hard work and how much we manage to accomplish.  I promise you this one will stand out from the crowd.  This one is about what you're not doing.  Here's to all the things you should be feeling guilty about!

"My guiding principle is this:  Guilt is never to be doubted". -Franz Kafka

 Sometimes, we all need some help deciding what it is exactly we should be feeling guilty about.  I thought I'd come up with a handy list, so that homeschooling moms everywhere could quickly and easily find something to inspire guilt, without having to pour through too many books, articles, and blog posts.  In a completely random and chaotic order, here they are!  This is my gift to you.  I know this will be most useful! You're welcome!

• Other kids have a lot more accomplishments under their belt by the time they are the same age as yours.  You obviously aren't pushing them hard enough, and they'll never live up to their potential.
• When was the last time you did some adorable craft with your kids?  One connected to the seasons, with all natural materials gathered from a nature walk? That you can photograph in muted colors, and photoshop to have fuzzy edges?  Get cracking! 
• You know, you really push those kids too hard.  They're far too busy practicing for their violin concert in Carnegie Hall and conjugating Latin verbs to enjoy life, and their childhoods are slipping away.  It's not right that they don't have enough time to just be kids and play.  Give them some matches and the electric stapler already and send them outside.
• You aren't doing enough curriculum.  Your kids are all either behind grade level, or well behind their potential. What a shame. Just wait until your mother in law hears about this.
• You forgot to study Mesopotamia. 
• Your kids aren't spending enough time with family. Homeschooling is supposed to strengthen family ties, but the way you keep them participating in social and academic activities, they barely get any of their parents' undivided attention.
• You remembered to study Mesopotamia, but you forgot Mesoamerica and the ancient tribes of Cleveland. That's way Eurocentric of you.  Their history deserves to be honored.
• It's a beautiful day!  For God's sake, get them out of the house before Child Protective Services comes and knocks on your door, to ask why the heck you are stuck indoors, making stupid crafts and slaving over curriculum.  Homeschoolers are supposed to be connected to the big, wide world, but you practically keep your kids under a rock.
• Your kids don't have any friends.  Well, that's because you dress them funny.
• You know, your kids are spending too much time out and about. Not enough down time at home.  They're completely overscheduled.
• You've been nurturing your "gifted and talented" kids and they are well above grade level.  Just what do you think will happen if circumstances should force you to go back to work full time and they have to go to school?  The school will never acknowledge their progress, and will put them in a class with kids their own age, where they will be bored stiff.  There was no need for you to set them up for that.
• Your kids don't play enough video games.  Not only are you narrow mindedly unable to appreciate the artistry of their design, your kids are deprived of a chance to learn Japanese and advanced mathematics in the most efficient way.  And they have no clue how to follow their bliss.
• When was the last time your family flew kites together? Went fishing? Hunted for treasures together in the city dumpsters?  Your kids aren't having enough classic childhood experiences.
• The house is a wreck.  When your home is messy, your children's lives can't be serene, and they can't properly focus on the business of learning.  
• You bought your kids plastic toys.  Did you know that Mr. Steiner says you're endangering their chances for reincarnation? 
• Your house is ridiculously clean.  You're completely OCD and have your priorities wrong.
• You let  them read one of those product-tie-in books that goes with a blockbuster movie and doesn't even list the name of an author anywhere on the book.
• You totally blew it and forgot  to celebrate several major holidays with appropriate lessons and crafts. The worst- forgetting on April Fool's Day to teach your kids how to make prank phone calls.
• You are largely responsible for your children's ability to soar academically, to have opportunities to make great friends, to fulfill their potential and thrive.  And you're slacking.
• You don't get enough "me" time.  This makes you look really, really dull to your friends who are career women who never had kids, the ones who always ask you when you're going to do something with your degree.  The more effort you put into homeschooling, the more obvious it is that not having your own life is setting a really unhealthy example. Take up a hobby or something.
• For God's sake, would you lighten up a little?  Why do you take homeschooling so seriously? 

Happy Mother's Day!!!  And stay Feral!

Wanda welcomes questions and comments from her adoring public.  Please feel free to comment below or email Wanda at feralwanda1 at gmail dot com.