Author Trudy Ludwig

Trudy wearing her "hero bystander" medal.

Local author and heroine Trudy Ludwig uses her spectacular superpowers to help kids deal with bullying.  She gave a talk to our homeschool group recently, and we were really blown away.  There is a growing awareness of this issue and more books on the subject for kids are appearing on the shelves of libraries and bookstores.  Parents welcome these books with open arms, because this is definitely one issue that will leave any parent feeling like a fish out of water.  Some books, unfortunately, are less than helpful.  We read one in which the bully gets abducted by a space alien, which might lend some humor to the situation but otherwise was useless.  We read another in which the protagonist spends time with the kid he perceives as his "enemy" and winds up making a new friend.  Of course, this strategy works mainly because the kid he thought was his enemy really isn't causing him any intentional harm, they just hand't had a chance to make friends yet.  Trudy's books all stand out from the pack, because they offer compassionate descriptions of realistic situations, and offer concrete advice that any kid can use.  Trudy wants kids to know that while not everyone can be friends, everyone deserves to have their presence acknowledged and their value recognized.  All of her solutions are respectful, resourceful, and thoroughly kid-approved.  

In person Trudy just radiates goodwill and positive energy.  You can't help but take her message of kindness and resourcefulness to heart. Trudy donned a hat and talked about how all of us from time to time are tempted to "wear the bullying hat", especially when someone hurts us and we want to "get back at them".  She explained that this just perpetuates the very thing we don't like.  She donned a giant medal and explained the many ways a "hero bystander" can help, by comforting the person being picked on, by reporting the problem to an adult, and by speaking out against bullying behavior.  And she donned a tool belt and did a role-playing game with the kids.  They were asked to give her insults, and each time she would pick up a new tool and demonstrate a different strategy. She advised that when dealing with a bully, all tools are at your disposal except any that would involve being mean back. Rather than the mature responses adults might hope in vain to put in the mouths of their kids, these are responses that kids would actually make.  She explained that practicing with our kids would make these tools second nature responses to mean remarks.  They included:

• Looking the person in the eye and saying, "Stop!".  She explained that this one works very well with random bad manners but not so well with targeted bullying.
• Asking "Why?" after someone tells you something mean.  "Why do you think my hair is ugly?" "Why do you think I forgot to comb it?" "Why do you think I lost my comb?" It doesn't take that many "why"s for the recipient of all these questions to get thoroughly distracted.
• Simply walking away.
• Responding to an insult with "So", "Whatever", "Who Cares?" in a very neutral tone of voice.
• Changing the subject.
• Acting silly.
• Agreeing.  If you feel comfortable, just flatly agreeing with a remark can disarm a bully.
• Explaining how the insult is really a compliment.  This would work really well in a handful of situations.

We've read all of Trudy's books, and all of them are outstanding. My Secret Bully was her first book, about a girl who finds one of her oldest and closest friends treating her very differently. Confessions of a Former Bully follows the progress of Katie, the character who appears as the bully in Trudy's first book, as she learns why bullying hurts everyone including the bully. This is her most comprehensive book in terms of offering detailed advice, and it's a great book to own.  It's the kind of book that if it were wanted, you'd be glad to find it already sitting on your child's bookshelf.